It’s time: time for someone to stand up and come clean about what the proponents of “complementary and alternative medicine”, and the antivaxxers, and their comrades-in-arms have been saying: we are evil. There, I said it.
Proponents of CAM, and opponents of vaccines and allopathic medicine have for a long time been saying that Big Pharma is in cahoots with the Medical-Industrial Complex and has politicians in our pockets. This is of course, they say, why we vaccinate: to destroy children’s immune systems and even infect them with various diseases. We cause cancer by various nefarious means, and withold numerous guaranteed cures, so as to maintain control over the masses.
Of course we deny this vehemently. We are here to serve, we have people’s best interests at heart, we’re actually normal human beings rather than demons made flesh, and so on ….
But I can’t do it any longer. I have to come clean. You need to accept that there is a shadowy cabal of evil (sorry: The Cabal Of Doom) to which doctors, pharmaceutical companies, politicians and so on all belong, that is bent on maintaining control of the masses by way of making – and keeping – you ill. By keeping you ill we make oceans of money, lord it over you, and get to laugh like Vincent Price (he’s actually not dead; we know how to live forever – another thing we keep from the unwashed masses – and we have him in our underground lair teaching new inductees how to do a really good evil laugh).
The thing is, I’m tired. Being evil takes a lot of work. The secret handshakes alone take up half my day. And coming up with new ways to hide the bodies … that is really getting hard. But the worst thing?
The Cabal Of Doom has a damn good recruitment pitch, but their accounts department is total crap. I haven’t yet been paid for my evil works from back in 2006! Seriously, where’s my (3rd) yacht? My hookers and blow? If I don’t start seeing some of this I’m going to consider seriously just not being evil.
In all seriousness, I might actually have to leave the Cabal Of Doom if they don’t start paying me properly. You think the Government is tight? Try getting money out of a shadowy cabal (of Doom) sometime. Honestly, if I weren’t the Antichrist I think I’d just give it up and start trying to help sick people.